Don’t buy them BeatsX earphones!

They are C R A P !

It’s almost sad to say, but the sound quality of the BeatsX by Dre earphones would be very decent, and imho they are way cooler than the standard AirPods.  And since the brand belongs to Apple they pair nicely with the iPhone and Apple Watch without always having to go through the bluetooth-settings  – AS LONG AS THE DAMN THINGS WORK!!!

But in the last SIX MONTHS I’ve gone through two pairs now until they just broke again. A blinking red LED error code all over again. No firmware update nor a reset would help. When I replaced the first pair the nice man at the Apple store told me this was not an unusual problem.

So, Dre, you might be a Doctor (which I doubt), but your BeatsX earphones suck balls! And Apple, f*ck you, too!

Microplastics found in human stools

Tell me about it…😢😩🚽💩!

Note by the editor: This silly article reflects in no way, shape or form the high standards in quality we aim to achieve on a regular basis to entertain you, our distinguished, most appreciated reader…

…but I’m paying a whole lot of money for Adobe licenses, infrastructure and SSL certificates, so just let me have this one, ok? 

And since I’m not a complete asshole (as you can imagine after seeing those pics) here’s the real news over at CNN https://cnn.it/2Jg4XRG and Blick.ch https://bit.ly/2SaQ5rH.

 

And while you’re here: https://rafenew.world/belletristik/

The Burger King is dead… (revised)

…long live the Republic!

With all those annoying royal babies making headlines, let’s imagine what a democratic fast food experience might look like compared to the proper monarchial way of burgering me:

Since the initial post of this article I’ve spotted one major flaw in the first version of my Burger Republic model. I stand and correct and I’m eager to give you a more accurate scheme: 

 

For comparison, here’s the first, flawed depiction:


 

rafenew.world Books für Grafiker

Die zweite Edition unserer beliebten Buchreihe steht ganz im Zeichen des Zwischenmenschlichen.

Die neue Ratgeber-Serie speziell für Grafiker,  visuelle Gestalterinnen und alle Fans und Fansinnen des gepflegten Wortspiels sollte in keinem Haushalt fehlen:

Feline: A True Story

I’ve recently found myself ruminating and wondering why there hasn’t been a decent movie with some good ol’ cat content?

Cats – Undoubtably the best thing on the internet and the pinnacle of entertainment itself. So why not make them into a feature film worthy of a bunch of Oscars?

Well, your wait is over! I present you the next sensation in theatres next year: An anthology all about cats featuring some of the biggest talent in Hollywood: «FELINE: A True Story»

Eat. Sleep. Repeat.

I asked Tinder for my data… and I was shocked!

With the whole General Data Protection Regulation (GDPR) thing going on, I was wondering what kind of personal data Tinder might have aggregated about me. So I asked them to send me all the information they had been acquiring.

Would they really know all about my «hopes, fears, sexual preferences and deepest secrets» as Judith Duportail stated in her article on The Guardian?

The answer that Tinder sent me left me speechless:

«We currently do not have any of your personal data stored in our databases. We are sorry to say that we are just not that interested in you.
We are sure that you are a nice person but no thank you.
Please do not write us again.

Tinder Customer Service»

FC Luzern mit ohne neuem Sponsor

Der Fussball Club Luzern kommt nicht zur Ruhe: Nach dem überraschenden Weggang von Trainer Gerardo Seoane (39) knallte es heute erneut beim FCL: Obwohl sich in den vergangenen Tagen und Wochen weder Gerüchte verbreiteten noch offizielle Stellungnahmen verkündet wurden, steht nun fest: Rafe New World wird nicht neuer Hauptsponsor des Luzerner Traditionsvereins!

Recherchen von rafenew.world bestätigen nun,  dass zu keinem Zeitpunkt weder Absicht noch Möglichkeit bestanden hatten, Otto’s als Trikot-Sponsor abzulösen.

Ebenso zeigte sich FCL-Hauptinvestor Bernhard Alpstaeg zwar zutiefst enttäuscht vom überraschenden Abgang von Seoane, der erst vor Monaten den Posten als Head-Coach von Markus Babbel (45) übernahm und den Club vom 9. auf den 3. Tabellenplatz führen konnte, er verlor aber bis anhin kein Wort über einen möglichen Einstig von rafenew.world als Sponsor. Ebenso hüllen sich die Verantwortlichen in Schweigen betreffend einer möglichen Ernennung von Raphael Röthlin (Gründer und treibender Kraft von rafenew.world, dem wohl innovativsten und originellsten Webportal überhaupt) als neuen Chef-Trainer. 

Raphael Röthlin (39), der charismatische Zentralschweizer, stellte seine Macher-Qualitäten als Material-Chef in mehreren militärischen Wiederholungskursen unter Beweis und kam als Kind sogar einige Male als Keeper vor einem Garagentor zum Einsatz. «Rafeman», wie er sich bescheiden auf seinem Blog rafenew.world nennt, hält sich bedeckt und bleibt eine unnahbare Lichtgestalt; Einzig seine Vorliebe für Pizza «Gran Gusto» ist bekannt. Ab und zu geht er auch Joggen, wie er selber telefonisch bestätigt. In seinen Palmarès findet sich ausserdem ein FCL-Tassli.

FCL-Tassli (links), Hoffnungsträger Röthlin (Mitte) vor dem Lauftraining und Banane (rechts, als Grössenvergleich). Nicht im Bild: Pizza «Gran Gusto». (Montage)

Zu diesem Zeitpunkt kann nur spekuliert werden, was sich in den vergangenen Tagen beim FCL hinter verschlossenen Türen abgespielt hat. Ohne jegliche Indizien darf aber vermutet werden, dass die Ernennung von Röthlin zwingend an den Einstieg von Rafe New World als Hauptsponsor gekoppelt werden sollte.

Der Ball liegt nun beim völlig überrumpelten FCL: Es wird sich zeigen, ob der Club mutig genug ist, unangenehme und unverantwortliche Entscheidungen in präkeren Situationen zu fällen und Röthlin jetzt als Hoffnungsträger zu verpflichten.

Sicher bleiben momentan nur Unsicherheit und Enttäuschung, die Spielern, Staff und vor allem den treuen Fans in diesen Tagen vor den Kopf stossen*.

Als grösster Verlierer des heutigen Tages wird aber der Fussball selber in Erinnerung bleiben; als eine der letzten Sportarten, die bis heute vor jeglichen Mauscheleien und Ränkespielen verschont geblieben waren.


*) Weitere Zinédine Zidane Anspielungen und andere überaus unqualifizierte Sport-Referenzen finden Sie bald auf rafenew.world.

«Grohe Essence» Faucet

Maybe this is all my fault? Perhaps I should have honoured my father more. A humble, most esteemed plumber in a picturesque village in the middle of Switzerland, almost two decades ago. (He’s alive and well, thanks for asking, but still…)

Or I may could have started earlier with decalcify my faucet regularly.

Who knows such things?

Then maybe, just maybe, I wouldn’t be forced today to come before you and use the mighty blogging voice that was bequeathed to me by you, the people, to inform you that the faucets in my bathroom (made by the company «Grohe» in their «Essence» product line) must be one of the very most stupidest examples of industrial design I’ve ever come across in all my years of endless, gruelling cycles of procrastination and cleaning.

«Why» you ask?

Because It’s just not fu*king possible to remove the damn faucet aerator (that thing at the end where the water comes out).

After a tiny little window of opportunity (sometime between five minutes and four years after installation) has passed, say goodbye to your hopes and dreams to ever remove and clean it.

PARENTAL ADVISORY: EXPLICIT CONTENT. (Yellow marks the spots where the removing tool is supposed to get a grip.)

The problem presents itself as a combination of bad design and proprietary standards: Not only can the aerator not be reached by a monkey wrench. No, that devilish little thing is only accessible with a proprietary «Grohe Grooved Key Disassembly Tool» which may be purchased at a reasonable price on Amazon, but itself is built so extremely frail that I wouldn’t dare to use it without trying once more to descale the faucet beforehand. Which of course in itself is a futile endeavour because of gravity. But even then, my efforts remained an unsuccessful pipe dream (pun very much intended). Not even my new steam cleaner (the middle-aged man’s home workout station) would be of much help.

The condom was planned to hold the decalcifier fluid in place, which it didn’t do because of capillary action. (I guess. Damn you physics!)

Not only am I extremely disappointed by this latest experience with home appliances,… I might have lost the will to clean altogether. Don’t judge me. After all, I’m just a man…

…and not a woman. They are obviously genetically superior in cleaning…

…as someone less gender-sensitive may say…

…not me.

The fine people at «Grohe» in their ivory tower might call it a «faucet aerator», but for a hard-working (for the sake of argument), honest man like me, it’s a truly universally piece of sh!t, impossible to clean for all genders, species, classes and kingdoms alike. Removing this darn thing remains an interesting concept, an abstract idea,  an elusive mirage, if you will, unattainable maybe even for life and reality itself.

Who would have thought? After all, I may even have learned something today, even grown as a person.  Doesn’t that feel nice?

Love you, Dad!

Rafeman, Rafedad and a new faucet that is not mine.

 


Fun fact: A german synonym for «aerator» is «Vertikutierer» which translated back to english means «Scarifier» and seems appropriate in the context of this article. 


Photo credits: rafeman | grohe.ch | bernau-schwarzwald.de, Michael Trefzer